So as I write this blog, I have to keep reminding myself that THIS IS FOR ME. For once, I need to uncensor myself because this is how I vent each day. It'a way for me to record my thought so that when I'm thirty with two kids and a master's, I'll be able to reminisce on how easy my days were back when.
Today, once again, did not go as planned. My cosmetology test for competition went great, I did it in about ten minutes or so because I knew all the answers already. I finally figured out what fantasy makeup I want to do for competition. I'm doing a version of a cat from the broadway musical Cats. Who figured? That happened, and then I talked to an army recruiter during lunch. I know i'm not supposed to listen to recruiters because they just want to get money for ya, but I have seriously considered it and researched it. Since I want to become a surgical PA, I can go to college with the army ROTC where they will pay for everything and then I'll be commissioned as an officer. There is a VERY low chance of me going over seas in about six years, so it should work out great. I really believe this is a very safe option for me, but once again, I must remind myself that this is an option. I have so many more things that I can do with my life. Heck, I could be going to Hillsong Australia for all I know. I could become some famous christian or country singer where I can spread the good news and such. Only God knows.
I kind of got frustrated at school today because pretty much all of the studying and work that I did was for nothing. It's all happening TOMORROW. The tests, the make-up work, the essays. All tomorrow. I also found out that I hurt someone's feelings without realizing it.
My friend Kurt and I were talking and I was telling him about how disappointed I was that I couldn't make 4.0 club at my school because I had a D and 3 C's o my transcript. He told me how lucky I was to even have as high of a grade point average as I do because he doesn't believe he is smart so even a 3.0 would be good for him. I count Kurt as a very good friend of mine and I do respect his opinion. I was upset and brought up how it still disappointed me because my entire goal of high school was the get a 4.0 and get into 4.0 club. Now all i'll have is a 3.8. It really bugged me to be honest. I worked really hard to get what I got but it wasn't good enough. Apparently I was being inconsiderate and made him feel bad because I wasn't grateful for what I did have. So, today I apologized to him and I don't remember what he said. But we were cool.
More happened today, but I really do not feel like going into more detail. I had band practice after I went to the gym and it went very well and I cant wait for Wednesday. On the way home, I finally told Travis how I have been feeling lately about me and him. I feel as though he's just being youth-pastorey with me. Me and him used to be real close friends but lately I haven't been feeling it. I finally told him and he didn't think he had been, but apologized anyways. To be honest, I felt as though he was putting up walls so that I wouldn't get any wrong ideas with him because so many of the girls in my youth have the biggest crush on him and follow him around like loyal golden retrievers. Sure, I am attracted to him in some ways, but I cannot think of those types of things, because 1) this is at church and can become distracting 2)I am underage and so I am considered "jailbait" 3) I am not in the position to be in a committed relationship because of still being in school 4)Say something ever were to happen, it could potentially hurt the youth (which are my babies).
Okay, eyes are drooping now :) I need to sleep.
If you're reading this all the way through, please know that Jesus loves you!
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